Of course, we can’t have a poultry blog without some chicken, duck and goose jokes! That wouldn’t be right! So find here a selection of jokes, videos and funnies about our feathered friends.
Arrested Development’s amazing chicken dances
Some new funny videos
Q: What do you get when you run over a goose?
A: Goose bumps.
Q: What does a chicken wipe his beak with?
A: A henkerchief.
Q: How do you stop a rooster from crowing on Sunday?
A: Eat him on Saturday!
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn’t chicken
Q: What do you get if you cross a chicken with a bell?
A: A bird that has to ring its own neck
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: He wanted to get to the other slide
Q: What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A: A brick layer!
Q: Who tells the best chicken jokes?
Q: Why did the chicken go to the seance?
A: To get to the other side!
Q: What Do You Call A Chicken That Crosses The Road, Rolls In The Dirt, Crosses The Road, And Again Rolls In The Dirt?
A: A Dirty Double-Crossing Chicken!
Q: What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
A: It was eggspelled.
Q: Why did the blonde go to KFC?
A: She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99
Q: Why did the chicken run onto the football field?
A: Because the umpire called a foul.
Q: Why did the chicken say, “Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?”
A: He was studying foreign languages.
Q: Why should a school not be near a chicken farm?
A: So the pupils don’t overhear fowl language.
Q: What do you call a cat that swallows a duck?
A: A duck-filled-fatty-pus
A duck walks into a bar and says to the bar tender “I’ll have a beer”.
The bartender says “Hey! where did you come from?”
The duck says “I’m working the construction site across the street”.
And the bartender says, “Well why are you working construction when you could be making millions in the circus?”
And the duck said “What would the circus want with a brick laying duck?”
A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, “Do you have any chapstick?” When the pharmacist hands it to him, the duck replies, ‘Thanks, just put it on my bill’.
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, ”Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?”
Then the lady answered, ”Excuse me, I think this is a goose.”
And the bartender says, ”Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.”
Three women die together in an accident and go to Heaven. When they get there, St Peter says, “We only have one rule here in Heaven: don’t step on the ducks.” They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man.” The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. He is tall, tanned, slim and muscular. St Peter chains them together without saying a word. The woman, thinking that this is great, remarks, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity.” The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck.”
A man is driving a pick-up truck down the road with a bunch of ducks standing in the back. A police officer pulls over the driver, informs him that he is speeding and then asks him where he’s going with all those ducks. The driver says that he doesn’t know what to do with them anymore. The officer says, “Look, there’s a zoo not far from here and that’s where you should take them.” The man thanks the officer and drives off with his ducks. The next day the officer again sees the same pick-up truck barreling down the road. This time, though, all the ducks in the back are wearing sunglasses. The officer pulls the driver over and says, “I thought I told you to take those ducks to the zoo!” “I did,” said the driver, “but now they want to go to the beach!”
An environmentalist decided to remove the engine from his car and replace it with an Ostrich to power the vehicle. Everything works well for a while until on the Motorway, travelling at high speed, the car breaks down. He pulls into the lay by and calls out breakdown service. Eventually a mechanic arrives, lifts the bonnet of the car and after some inspection says confidently, “Your big ens gone”.
Night of Drinking A man and his pet duck walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my duck.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the duck falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a duck.”
In several episodes of the comedy show Family Guy, we see Peter Griffin pitted against a giant chicken called Ernie. The fight sequences are simply incredible!